Wednesday, October 8, 2014

How We Roll

The wife and I have a few things in common:  we both like The Walking Dead,  we're both Caucasian, and we both think I'm a great kisser.  Beyond that, we're totally different.  It's like she's from Venus and I'm from Mars.  I think somebody wrote a book about this topic.  No, wait, it was a movie--Total Recall.

Not only are we different, but we do things differently.  For example, I like to leave my wife loving and encouraging messages on our bathroom mirror:  "Whaddup SEXY!  Yeah, you.  I'm talking to you.  Looking good."

She likes to leave me messages too, although they are less loving, less punctuated, and less encouraging:  "scoop litterbox"

To be fair, she is encouraging me to scoop the litterbox.

Our parenting styles differ quite a bit as well.  A while back, I made a short video showcasing just a few of these differences:

The truth is we complement each other nicely.  I just tend to compliment her more.

Naked at the Doctor's Office

I felt so naked at the Doctor's office today and it's not just because my pants were around my ankles while the doctor asked me personal questions.  It's because for the first time in 8 years, I was childless in the waiting room.

No diaper bag.
No second bag full of toys.
No list of all the weird things that my child's body is doing.
No yelling at my son to stop pacing.
No yelling at the girl to stop crawling around the disgusting floor and making cat noises.
No yelling at the baby to stop ripping those lobby magazines.
(I yell a lot)

Just me, a good book, and my thoughts.  "Please doctor, take your time.  I'll just be sitting here peacefully in the waiting room reading.  Yep, I got here 15 minutes early to enjoy a little down time. And now, let's start reading."


"Wait.  Did the nurse just call my name?  No way.  My appointment isn't for another 10 minutes."


"There it is again.  Let's look around the room.  There are a bunch of old people here.  Maybe one of them is named Louis."


"Well crap."

And on this day, a new record was set.  A 5 minute wait time before being called back.  When all was said and done and my pants in their original upright position, I was rewarded with an appointment for an X-ray and a colonoscopy.  A small price to pay for 5 minutes of peace.

Seriously?  None of you people are named Louis?

What Mama Said

One of dem days.