Poems For Dad

I hate getting cards.  Birthday, Christmas, Father's Day, I don't care what the occasion is, don't send me one.  First of all, they're too expensive.  If you really want to spend five bucks on me, bring me a Chalupa Value Meal from Taco Bell.  Your card will be opened and checked for cash,  the text skimmed, and then the whole thing is going in the trash.  At least the Baja Chalupa and Fire Sauce will stay with me for a couple days.

And don't you dare send me a card with glitter on it.  If I wanted glitter all over me I'd hang out at my local "gentleman's" club.  (Not that I know where it is honey.) Finally, please, please do not send me some mushy card that's all touchy feely.  I'm a dude, I don't do feelings well and I definitely don't do poems.

 Music that nobody wants to hear.

If you do feel compelled to send a poem, be aware that poems for dad should either be in limerick form or standard meter.  I don't want any of that Shakespearean meter that no one can read or any of that Haiku crap.  The Japanese gave us Sudoku and Soy Sauce, they can keep their syllabiphillic poetry.  So before you send your dad a card with a nice poem, why not consider just giving him a phone call and saving your money. It's probably money he loaned you anyway.  Get a job.

Disgusting Father's Day

I decided to treat myself to an early Father's Day present this year.  After Leah decided to take up photography, it wasn't long before she had broken two of our digital cameras.  This time, I bought a nice one.  One that Leah will never touch.  One that I reluctantly let the Wife take on a recent trip to the circus.  It takes amazing photos, just look at that resolution.

The Best Father's Day Ever?

There are many reasons why Father's Day 2012 could be the best day I've ever had.  Not only did my wife and children give me the best Father's Day Gift they could give me, my son also gave me some advice that just might change the way I experience each day.

I started out watching the kids splash around in the kiddie pool until their lips were blue and their teeth were chattering; it was highly entertaining.

Later, we set off this eight dollar smoke bomb (Caleb confused it with a Christmas Tree ornament) which had my two older children squealing with delight, albeit from a safe distance.

Sparklers, while awesome for their level of danger, only solicited minor enthusiasm from the boy.

The sight of two large men (my father and I) trying to fix two small childrens' fishing poles, one of which was saturated with more glitter than any fishing pole should be, brought about laughs and quite a few comments from everybody. 

Watching my son cast his rod and reel for the first time was well worth the smart remarks we endured while fixing the poles.

Walking, and later running, across my father's wood piles kept him entertained for quite some time.  At least long enough for Daddy to recover from all the trail walking we did.

But the walks themselves were well worth the effort as we spotted numerous frogs, bugs, worms, and spiders.  All of these pictures could be reason enough for this day to be the best day I've ever had.  But it wasn't any of these activities that made Father's Day the best day ever.  It was a comment that my son had made a couple of days before and then again the next day and the day after that.

The Monday before Father's Day, my son said he had the best day ever.  It consisted of a trip to the park, playing outside, watching Monster House, riding bikes, and a night at the local ice cream shop; all of which are crucial components to having a best day ever.  On Tuesday, we went to a different park, ate at McDonald's, played T-Ball, and probably watched Monster House again.  Once again, Caleb said that "today" was the best day he ever had.

After my son said on Wednesday that "today" was the best day he ever had, I started to realize what exactly he was saying; even if he didn't know he was saying it.  The best days are not laid in memories of events past, they lay in the events themselves as they unfold.  The best day that anyone could ever have is the only one you ever get; it's today.  While all the fun things we did on Father's Day will create memories for years to come, it can't compare to the fact that I've been given another day with my children.  I have a feeling today is going to be the best day I've ever had.

Father's Day Gift Ideas

It's just days before Father's Day and I have no idea what to get for my own dad.  The problem is, I always want to give gifts that I would want to get.  And for father's day, there is only one gift that I want from my children.   The gift of not spending any money.  I'd like to consider myself a fairly reasonable man who understands the value of a dollar.  When I see that you've spent five dollars on a frilly card with some manufactured sentimental poem inside it, I'll smile and say "Thank You", but inside I'll be thinking "What A Waste".

A sappy card again?  At least it's not another neck tie.

 Give me the gift of not playing in to the consumerism that these holidays promote.  I understand that Father's Day, like most holidays, started out with good intentions, but once Hallmark and coffee mug companies learned how to effectively capitalize on it, all meaning is lost.

Save your mug money and just buy me some beer.

You shouldn't set aside just one day a year to honor your father or mother.  This holds true for gods, veterans, and great pumpkins as well.  If you want to honor somebody or something, you don't just do it once a year.  That's not honor, that's obligation.  I suppose that's why it's so hard to come up with a gift idea for father's day.  It seems cheap, phony, and forced.  I'm not going to buy something just to be buying something.  My dad knows I care because I lend him a hand with projects, we often have dinners together, and most importantly we talk to each other.  So here's a gift idea for Father's Day.  Don't buy a damn thing.  When it comes to your dad, spend time...not money.