I hate getting cards. Birthday, Christmas, Father's Day, I don't care what the occasion is, don't send me one. First of all, they're too expensive. If you really want to spend five bucks on me, bring me a Chalupa Value Meal from Taco Bell. Your card will be opened and checked for cash, the text skimmed, and then the whole thing is going in the trash. At least the Baja Chalupa and Fire Sauce will stay with me for a couple days.
And don't you dare send me a card with glitter on it. If I wanted glitter all over me I'd hang out at my local "gentleman's" club. (Not that I know where it is honey.) Finally, please, please do not send me some mushy card that's all touchy feely. I'm a dude, I don't do feelings well and I definitely don't do poems.
Music that nobody wants to hear.
If you do feel compelled to send a poem, be aware that poems for dad should either be in limerick form or standard meter. I don't want any of that Shakespearean meter that no one can read or any of that Haiku crap. The Japanese gave us Sudoku and Soy Sauce, they can keep their syllabiphillic poetry. So before you send your dad a card with a nice poem, why not consider just giving him a phone call and saving your money. It's probably money he loaned you anyway. Get a job.
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