One of the joys of being a Stay At Home Dad is getting to take your kids
everywhere, and I do mean everywhere. Gas stations, grocery stores,
doctor appointments, the dentist (not really a doctor), parks, zoos,
libraries (peace & quiet) and so on. I've found that the more
places I go, the more I hear the same few comments.
I guess to them I'm just a Dad spending his day off work with
the kids. Maybe I need to get a shirt that reads "Stay At Home Dad".
Below is a list of the most common questions and comments I receive
while I'm out and about with the kiddos and how I'd like to respond.
Usually it's quicker to just smile, nod, and get home before the baby
pukes, the toddler pees, or the boy goes into an ADHD fueled riot.
#10. "Are you giving Mom a break?
First off, If you're directing your question to me, leave my mom out of
it. Secondly, nobody is getting a break here. It's just me trying to
avoid World War 3 breaking out between the warring countries of Older
Brother and Middle Sister. If you'd stop talking and start bagging
those jars of Parents Choice Stage 3 Very Berry Banana, we could both
continue on our day.
Smile and Nod.
#9. "I could never get my husband to take the kids to the park."
Well lady, that's probably because your husband works all damned day.
If I had to work all day and then come home, the last thing I'd want to
do would be to take all my kids out and about without any backup. I've
already put in ten hours at the office with a bunch of people who act
like kids, I don't want to come home and spend more time with people who
are kids.
#8. "Are you babysitting?"
What intelligent person would hire a 31 year old man to babysit their
kids? Men don't babysit unless there is something wrong with them, like
a severe case of pedophilia. Sorry to tell you, but these are my kids,
yes, even the cute one, and I'm not babysitting...I'm doing my job.
Smile and Nod.
#7. "Awwww....you're so cute!"
This statement is, of course, always directed at one of the kids, but I
can't resist saying "Thank You, the baby is pretty cute too don't you
think." This response usually ends in someone blushing. Most often
it's me as the cashier ignores me or laughs hysterically.
#6. "Where is Momma?"
Are you concerned that I have kidnapped these three beautiful children
and then taken them to McDonald's before we make our getaway on the open
highway? Perhaps, you feel me incompetent to care for these kids
myself and fear for their safety. When I have all three kids with me, I
like to say "She's out in the van with the other five."
#5. "Looks like Daddy got a day off work."
Yeah, they shut down the coal mine for the rest of the week. Yeah, we
delogged that forest quicker than they thought. Yeah, they docked my
Alaskan fishing boat for the rest of the month. Yeah, I'm taking a
break from Ultimate Fighting. See what I did there? This is my work
lady. It's a man's job.
Smile and Nod.
#4. "Is it your weekend to have the kids."
Do I look divorced and unlovable? To be fair, my sandals are dirty, my
toenails are hideous, these plaid shorts probably don't look right with
this striped shirt and my hair isn't combed. But to answer your
question, no it's not my weekend. It's my day to have the kids. As is
the next day and the next day and so on until they're 18 and I can kick
them out.
#3. "So what do you do?"
Smiling and nodding does have it's drawbacks as this question usually
comes after a yes response to #5. Luckily, I have started working
part-time recently and this isn't so hard to answer now. Before working
though, the proper answer was, "Well, I am a Head Chef/Maintenance
Man/Groundskeeper/Event
Planner/Teacher/Housekeeper/Cameraman/Chauffeur/Secretary and an
Excellent Lover.
#2. "Did you get laid off?"
How I wish lady. Unfortunately, this is an everyday job that requires
24 hour shifts, including holidays, weekends, and no paid overtime. I
get limited breaks that consist mainly of me locking myself into the
bathroom trying to read the newspaper on my Nook while attempting to
ignore the loud banging on the door and repeated questions of "Daddy?
What are you doing?"
#1. "Got the kids huh?"
Every comment above is one I often hear from a well meaning female. The
one question that I hate the most though, comes from other men. It's
not so much how unnecessary the question is, you can see the kids right
there, so...uh...yeah...I got the kids. It's more the tone of their
voice while asking.
They make it sound like having the kids is a bad
thing. That's what's wrong with so many dads, or at least the ones
that ask me this. They make spending time with the kids sound like a
major drag. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't always want to spend every
second of the day with my kids and "Go Play Outside" is one of my "Go
To" parenting moves when I need a break. So how do I respond?
Smile and Nod.
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