Dumb Questions

"There is no such thing as a dumb question" - I don't know who came up with such nonsense, but I can guarantee that whoever it was didn't have any children.  Dumb questions pour out of my kids all day long and by noon I find myself answering all of them with either "Because I said so" or one of my personal favorites, plain old "No".  By the end of the day, the English language has failed me and I find it best to resort to body language.

Kids are full of questions and over the course of a day they might ask hundreds of them.  Ninety percent of them are valid questions that arise out of a child's natural curiosity.  The other ten percent are forged from the tongues of mischievous hell-fire demons.   What makes a question dumb?  Any question that has an obvious answer.  Here are a few of the most often asked dumb questions.

#6.  "Where's Momma?"

My wife leaves for work every morning around 7:15.  My daughter wakes up around 8.  But it never fails, every day, the first words out of my daughter's mouth are "Where's Momma?".  By Friday morning, I feel like Phil Connors.

#5.  "Do I have to go to school today?"

It's rarely a concern that my son is unsure whether it's Saturday or Wednesday.  The boy is obsessed with watches, clocks, and calendars, so he knows exactly what day it is.  Yes, you do have to go to school and no, you can't wear your pajamas.  You feel sick?  Prove it by throwing up.  Oh, you threw up?  Now don't you feel better?  Go catch the bus.


#4.  "Can I have something to eat?"

Some questions are all about timing.  I would love to hear my children ask me this question at meal times.  The problem is, they only ask it five minutes after meals are over --- meals that they never ate to begin with.  The answer is always "Yes, you can have something to eat" and the look on their face when I re-heat their uneaten dinner and place it in front of them again is priceless.

#3.  "Why?"

Some questions are only dumb in certain contexts.  The question is often heard immediately before or after "Do I have to?".  "Why" questions are often legitimate means for a child to gain understanding of the adult world.  But, when I tell you to stop hitting your sister, "Why?" is not a legitimate question.  Maybe (a huge maybe) the first time you asked, you really had no idea that hitting your sister caused her pain.  But after the third or fourth hundred time of hitting her, I feel you should know the answer to "Why".

#2.  "Do I have to?"

The answer is always yes.  The only reason my kids ask me this, is because I am nice enough to present a demand in the form of a question.  When I ask "Would you take your plate to the kitchen please?" it's more of a rhetorical question.

#1.  "Are we there yet?"

A classic.   I asked it of my parents and now I'm reaping what I sowed.  This is actually one of my favorite questions to answer.  I like to answer this question with another question.  For example, when asked this on our way to Grandma's house, I like to respond with, "Did the van stop moving" or "Is Grandma pinching your cheek?"  or "Do you smell mothballs?"  When the kids answer "No", I let them know they've answered their own question.



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