Please Tell Me That's Pudding

I should know better than to ask, "What's this on the wall/floor/ceiling/baby", but it's always the first thing out of my mouth.  Every great once in a while, I'm pleasantly surprised by the answer.  Maybe, "relieved" is a better term than "pleasantly surprised."

Please tell me that's pudding.  I won't even ask you to explain why you were eating it in the bathroom.  Just...please...

The Bra Trick (For Babies)

Kids ruin everything--your hopes and dreams, bank account, and sexy things.  There used to be something sexy about a girl removing her bra without taking her shirt off.  Then the baby ruined it for me.

  This creepy bastard has also ruined it for me.

If you've read any of the Disgusting Diary, you'd know about Libby's love of playing in poo.  We've had to resort to putting her in onesies lately.  If we don't, she pulls off her bloomers/shorts/pants, rips off her diaper and swings it around in the air like a single-mother trying to make a living.

She can't unbutton the onesie, so we figured we'd be safe.

We were wrong.  Horribly, horribly wrong.

 Better judgment (aka--My Wife) kept me from posting a picture of Libby's used diaper. But, for interested parties, just do a Google Image Search "baby poo" and you'll have an idea of what I mean by "Horribly Wrong".

The girl has skills.  Too many times I've walked in to her room to see her waving a diaper over her head.

"Where'd she get that diaper?", I ask myself.  Then I notice she is no longer wearing one and her onesie is still buttoned.  Either she has learned to unbutton her jumper, remove her diaper, and then re-button her clothes, or she can take her diaper off without removing her clothes.  I've seen the latter in action and if it's any indication of her inhibitions (or lack thereof), well,  at least she'll be the most popular girl at all the parties.

First World School Problems

School officially starts in 29 days.  It's always sad when school starts up again, not necessarily because I'll miss the kids...

Tonguing Around

Nothing says summer like sucking on some frozen, sugary ice-pops.  Once the boy got over the initial fear of his tongue changing colors (he thought it would be permanent), he was up for some color-changing tongue action.

The girl chose blue.  She's no rookie; she knows blue is the best.

The boy, still not completely convinced that his tongue would not be stained for life, chose pink.

I was stuck with an orange pop, because let's face it, nobody likes the orange or green ones.

Elizabeth can't be trusted with things you can squeeze, so she just stood around with her crazy Eddie Vedder hair.

Poor girl.  Maybe if she wouldn't destroy everything I've ever loved, she'd earn a Fla-Vor-Ice or two.

Bored on the 4th of July

It's one of those things that you have to do with your children.  No matter how much I hate crowds, mosquitoes, and heat, I have to take the kids to see the fireworks on the 4th of July.  Thankfully, this year was cool enough that we were in jeans and hoodies; this kept the skeeters away too.  Now, what to do about those crowds?

Thanks to my sister, we found an excellent spot that not only gave us an incredible view, it also gave us a quick escape route when the fireworks were over.  Last year, we spent at least an hour fighting traffic--that was just to get out of the parking lot.  This year, we were out of the lot and on the road in five minutes.  Fireworks can get boring after years of routine viewings and crowd fighting, but  with my new toy, I had more fun than I'd had in a long time.  It also helps that there were brownies, potato-skin chips, and Mountain Dew Voltage.

And, toys to keep the kids busy and/or happy.

Before the show started, Leah had to pee--badly.  I'm talking legs-crossed, crotch-holding, jumping-up-and-down bad.  There were no Johnny On The Spots where we were, so I hunted down a bathroom.  We were in the downtown bar area, so this was no easy feat.  I didn't really want to take her into a bar to pee, most places are 21 and up only, so I searched and searched.  Finally, we walked by a man sitting outside a bar and he said, "Excuse me sir, you have a little girl attached to you".

By this point, I was carrying Leah hoping to find a bathroom before that warm feeling came trickling down my side.  I told him our situation and he offered to let us use his bar.  "Thank goodness", I thought.  Leah did her business and then I gave the bar owner a little of my business; I ordered a coke.

Leah shimmied her way up  a bar stool to order.  Then I saw it--a giant mural of some naked chick just five feet in front of my innocent daughter.  She had just peed, now I almost shat myself.  The woman in the mural posed seductively, her two giant cannon-balls staring right at me.  I swear I could even hear the canons firing.  Turns out the fireworks had just started.  I grabbed our drink, covered the girl's eyes and ran outside for the show:

The fireworks display was amazing, but the shows around our house were even cooler.  We must have been the only family in a three-mile radius that didn't buy fireworks.  I snagged a few shots of our neighbor's disregard for the illegality of fireworks while I lounged in my rocking chair, sipping on an ice-cold beer with my shirt off.  'MERICA!!!

What 4th of July celebration would be complete without Sparklers?  It's interesting to me that the most boring firework on the market is also the most dangerous.  But, I wasn't about to let something that burns anywhere from 1800 to 3000 degrees Fahrenheit keep my kids from having fun.  That would be bad parenting.

This may just have been the Best Day Ever.

Child Health Question

First off, I'd just like to say thank you for submitting your child health question to the internet.  The fact that you were concerned enough about your child to post a question to an online forum (Yahoo Answers) instead of immediately calling your doctor shows the utmost responsibility and care.  One can really feel the panic and desperation you must be going through.  You obviously aren't concerned about things like correct spelling, grammar and punctuation.  This is how I know you care deeply for your child.   So, congratulations to you Momma.

Now, to answer your question.  Your child had a fever but he doesn't now?  Great.  He's also been asleep for almost 15 hours?  Amazing.  Enjoy this time while you can.  My only advice is that you should never wake your child up when they've been asleep for that long.  What if you would have woken him up after ten hours of sleep and then he stayed awake?  Can you imagine?  Also...JUICE!!!???

If you're going to wake your child up to give him a drink, you should only offer him a nice glass of Benadryl.  It will cool his throat and most likely put him back to sleep for another five hours or so.