Treat Yo' Self

With Christmas not far away, it's time to start thinking about toys for the kids.  I've always tried to stay away from presents that need batteries and make a lot of noise, but what if your child is the one making all the noise?  And, what if her battery never runs out?

Now, I know what you're thinking.  The box says 5+ years, but my 3-year old could really use this.  Don't worry.  A little hem here, an alteration there, and you're tiny toddler will be rocking back and forth in the corner in no time.  I would highly recommend a dog cone to keep your child from gnawing through the straps--the leather isn't of the highest quality.

Some children may get claustrophobic with their arms wrapped around themselves tightly  and fastened securely behind their backs with leather straps.  (Big Babies!!!)  For those children, you might want to consider something a little less intense.

 Again, don't let the age restriction scare you.  The ankles of a 7-year old are quite larger than those of a 6-month old baby.  But who could possibly need this more than a young baby that just learned how to crawl?  Not to worry.  The ankle bracelet is adjustable and you could always put this around your baby's waist if need be.

For more information or to purchase products, visit Control Toys.  Not matter what you decide to buy this holiday season, the important thing to remember is that a gift for your child can be a present for you.

Homemade Christmas Gifts

Not that long ago, I expressed my disdain for buying crap for the kids this Christmas.  My wife interpreted my commercial hatred to mean that she could still make something for the kids.  So, for the past week or so, she has been coming up with some pretty cool homemade Christmas gift ideas that have Daddy's seal of approval.  I guess for me, making something for the kids is more fun than going out and buying something that has probably been made by a child no older than my own.

My wife scoured the web looking for cool projects for the two of us (mainly her) to do.  Truthfully, it's been fun putting this stuff together for the kids and the fact that we're not spending a ton of money on crap they won't even play with fills my heart with Christmas cheer.  One of the coolest things about homemade Christmas gifts is laying the stuff out right in front of the kids and having them help you make it.  Cooking sheets, felt, magnets, and PVC pipe don't exactly scream "Christmas Present" to a child, so they had no idea.  Here is some of the cool stuff we (my wife) made.

 Animal-Shaped Crayons:  Our kids seem to love breaking crayons more than they like coloring with them.  Don't throw those pieces out, use them to make new crayons.  Learn how to make these Crayola Christmas gifts here.

Felt Mix and Match Playsets:  These are similar to the Colorforms play sets you may have played with as a child.  Or, at least the cheap, felt version of Colorforms.  Learn how to make these cheap Christmas gifts here.

Magnetic Play Board:  A really simple idea that I know our daughter is going to love.  We did a pirate them for the boy and a sparkly, butterfly and animal one for the girl.  Learn how to make these handmade Christmas gifts here.

Marshmallow Gun:  This is the one thing that I actually made.  It is awesome and you need one.  That's all you need to know.  Except maybe for how to make a marshmallow gun.

Crayola Payola

We have no more Christmas gifts to make.  We're done.  Finally.  We can put all the magnets, fabric, felt, and glue away for a while.  The last thing we did was pretty cool.  You know all of those broken down crayons in the bottom of your kid's box?  Turns out you can re-use them, which is good for us, because the kids can't seem to color a picture without breaking at least one crayon.

 You'll need:

Broken down crayons
Candy Mold
Tin Cans
A Pot

Before you get started, you'll want to save up some tin cans.  So, next time you crack open some green beans, be sure to set those cans aside.  We didn't think about this before we started, so the girl and I had a Spaghetti-O eating marathon.  Four empty cans later we were ready to start.

First you want to unwrap all the crayons and sort them out by color.  The girl loved this part.  She's all about ripping up things.

This is about all the kids can help you with.  From here on out it's adults only.  Things are about to heat up, so while you fire up the stove top, have the kids clean up that mess.

It's important to teach your kids to clean up after your messes. This will free up more time for yourself.

While they are doing that, you need to grab a pot and start boiling some water.  If you have any large pieces of crayon, break them up into smaller pieces.  Once the water is boiling, place your crayon pieces into a tin can and set the tin can into the water.  If you are making multiple colors, you're better off using the color spectrum order.  In other words, make yellow crayons first, then orange, then red.  Make green, then blue, then purple, brown, and black. You get the idea.

We made the mistake of using red first. These cans don't wash easily, so we had to toss it to make our next batch.

Crayons melt quick and the can heats up in no time at all.  Grab some mittens and somethings to stir that mix with.



When your crayon mix looks like some kind of soup that you'd find in a Dr. Seuss book, you're ready to pour your crayons.  Lay out your candy molds and start pouring.  Don't be an idiot; use protection.

When you're done with one color, you can try to clean that tin can out, or you can save yourself the headache and just use another one.  The next can we did yellow, orange, and green in without mixing the colors too badly.  Just rinse out the can and wipe it down the best you can and move on.  Once you have all of your candy molds filled you can stick them in the freezer for a few minutes to harden them up.

Pull your molds out of the freezer, pop them out and you have yourself some brand new crayons for the kids to break.

Find more Christmas Gifts To Make.

Gettin' Felt Up

You want to talk about cheap Christmas gifts?  Then let's talk felt.  Merry Christmas kids, here's some felt for you.  When my wife first mentioned this, I was pretty skeptical.  When she said felt was a nickel a piece, I was in.  The idea is pretty simple.  If you remember playing with those cool Colorforms sets when you were a kid, it's the same basic idea.  Except, instead of paying ten bucks for one, you pay fifty cents and your kids will have the same level of excitement.

Sadly, I could not find a picture of the Ghostbusters, Thundercats, or He-Man Colorforms sets I used to have.

Here's a list of what you need:

Felt
Scissors
Imagination

Step one:  Cut out felt.  Step two:  You're done.

Here are a few of the scenes that she made for the kids.

Are they cheap?  Yes.  Will the kids enjoy playing with them?  Probably as much as they would a store-bought one.



Learn how to make more Cheap Christmas Gifts.

Magnetic Playset

Of all the handmade Christmas gifts my wife has made, I think the kids will like this one the most.  I know the girl will love hers, because she can't leave the magnets on our fridge alone.  Most of the stuff for this project we had lying around the house anyway, so I think it cost us around five dollars to make this masterpiece.

Here's what you need:

Cookie Sheet
Fabric
Magnets
Stickers
Glue
Scissors
Index Cards
Duct Tape

We had some old cooking sheets that we were going to throw out, so we decided to up-cycle them into this project.  You can also purchase a new cooking sheet from Wal-Mart for 74 cents.  The fabric was under one dollar (again, at Wal-Mart) and the magnets were six dollars for a box of 50.  I think that works out to 12 cents a magnet.  We bought some nice, sparkly stickers for around two or three dollars and everything else we already had.   Putting it all together was pretty easy.  Easy enough that the girl helped us work on brother's gift.

The magnets are simple.  Place the stickers on index cards, cut out the cards, then glue them to the magnets.  Done.

The tricky part is getting the fabric to lay smoothly on the cooking sheet.  Apply some glue to top of the baking tray and place your fabric down.  Smooth it out from the center to the sides.  Wrap the fabric over the sheet and onto the back.  Glue the fabric to the bottom of the cooking sheet.  Finally, cover the seam where the fabric ends with some duct tape to keep it from pulling away and coming unglued.

Glue the fabric to the back.

Kids love to pick at things so you better tape those ends.

There you have it.  A homemade Christmas gift that cost somewhere in the neighborhood of four or five dollars.

Check out these Handmade Christmas Gifts.

Frosty the Spoonman

The local Library wrapped up their Christmas events last Saturday with a party and some more easy Christmas crafts for the kids.  Before I get into the craft making, let me offer a little parenting advice.  If you want to get your kids to go anywhere or do anything, you have to be careful about how your presentation.

For example, if we would have told the boy we were going to the library, he would have cried, moaned, and said he wanted to stay home.  However, when we said we were going to a party, he was all about it.  He even shut off his favorite movie, put on his shoes, and buckled himself in the van without saying a word.  He was ready to party.

Imagine his disappointment when we pulled the van in here.

The dialogue that immediately followed:

The Boy:  "Dad, why are we going to the library?  I thought you said we were going to a party."

Me:  "We are.  The party is at the library."

The Boy:  "Why would anyone throw a party at the library?"

Me:  "Excellent point son.  Let's discuss it inside."

At least we managed to get him there.

Every time we go to one of these library events, I have high hopes that we'll make it through the thing without anyone crying, shouting, or calling DCFS.  Last week's homemade Christmas ornaments trip went pretty smooth, this week shouldn't be much different right?  Well, right actually.  It did go pretty smooth.  You thought I was going to have a good kids-melting-down-in-public story huh?  Sorry, it was a boring trip.  It is the library after all.

This week's craft was pretty easy for the kids, so easy that the baby made one too.

Guess which one the baby made.

Here's what you need:

Plastic spoon
Rubber band
Cloth strip
Hair ties
Pom-pom
Permanent Marker (Orange and Black)






First you want to tie the rubber band around the neck of the spoon.  This will help to keep the scarf in place.

Tie your cloth scarf around the neck and then draw Frosty a face.  The stocking cap is where the real fun comes in.  We used a hot glue gun, but you could probably just use some good old super glue too.  You will need three different hair ties for the cap.  Two of the same color and one different for the middle.  Glue each one on and then add the pom-pom to the top.  That's it.  Easy right?

You can also turn these into Christmas ornaments if you tie a string around the stocking cap.  That's actually what the librarian had in mind, but the kids decided they just wanted to play with the spoons instead.  Play, as in sword fight.







And, just because it was stuck in my head the entire time I wrote this post....

Marshmallow Gun

As far as inexpensive Christmas gifts go, my favorite one from this year is the Marshmallow Gun.  Nothing says "Merry Christmas" like pelting one of your kids right between the eyes with a Jet-Puffed mini-mallow.

 If only Ralphie would have listened.

This is ridiculously simple (and inexpensive) to make.  Here's all you need:

Six 5" pieces of 1/2" PVC pipe

One 8" piece of 1/2" PVC pipe

Two elbows (1/2")

Two T-Connectors (1/2")

Two end caps (1/2")



We found it was cheaper to purchase one six feet long piece of PVC pipe than to buy two smaller pieces.  It's also easier to have the guy at Home Depot cut the pieces to length for you.  Also, Home Depot is, without a doubt, a much better shopping experience than Lowe's.  Walk into a Lowe's and you're lucky if anybody that works there is around, knows what you're looking for, or where to find it.  Stroll into a Home Depot and there are three to four people waiting at the door to help you.  Moving on...

If you do cut the pieces yourself, use a table saw (a hacksaw can make the ends sharp).  Regardless of which method you use, sand those pipes down.  Once you have your pieces cut (and sanded), set up is a breeze.  Connect the eight-inch piece to a T-connector.  Make sure the T is pointing down.  Connect a five-inch piece to the other end, another T-connector (facing up), another five-inch piece, and an elbow (facing down).  Here, just look at the picture.

 Just do that ^

Now, insert three five-inch pieces into both T-connectors and the elbow.

Cap off the two bottom five-inch pieces, add an elbow and the final five-inch piece to the top.

Insert your mini-marshmallows into the top and rain marsh-mallowy hellfire on the kiddos.

Reasons the marshmallow gun is better than a Nerf gun:

1.  You can eat the ammo.  Although, the baby has proven Nerf bullets can, in fact, be eaten.

2.  You don't have to chase after your bullets and clean up when you're done.  Dogs love marshmallows.

3.  The shooting is more accurate...

BULLSEYE!

Learn how to  make more Inexpensive Christmas Gifts here.

Best Christmas Gift Ever

This year, I'm giving my kids the best Christmas gift ever.  Check it out.  Here's a picture of our Christmas tree.

And here's a picture of all the presents I'm buying the kids.

You don't see any presents?  Exactly.  I'm not buying anything for the kids this Christmas.  Man, it feels really good to type that.

There are many reasons to not buy my kids anything, the largest one being that they don't need anything.  They have more toys than they could play with, most of which we have not bought.  Gram-gram loves her yard sales (I hate 'em) and thanks to her relentless weekend-after-weekend summer escapades, our basement is overcrowded and underused.

We've been slowly working on finishing our basement and turning it into a playroom for the kids.  With the carpet down and the walls up, we have been able to move all of their toys downstairs.  There are toys in every corner...

...and under the stairs...

...by the door...

I'm pretty sure that trash bag outside the door is full of toys too.

...stacked in a pile...

...just waiting to be played with.

There are toys hidden away in cold, unused rooms, because, like the sweet baby Jesus, there just isn't any room for them.

Even with all their toys in one central location we can't get the kids to actually play with any of them.  The only way they will play with their toys is to threaten to throw them away if they don't.  This tells me a couple of things.  One, they have too much crap and two, they don't care about the junk they do have until I threaten to throw it out.  So, there is no good reason to buy them toys of any kind for Christmas.

 What little time they do spend in the basement is used staring at the t.v.

Plus there's the grandparent factor.  Grandparents always go overboard for Christmas and birthdays.  The baby was lucky to get a cake for her birthday let alone any presents from Mom and Dad.  Having grown up without much to open for their own Christmases has translated into vicariously unwrapping gifts through our children.  They're not only buying presents for our kids, they are buying gifts for their inner child as well.

Luckily, we have a house rule that deals with the grandparents' obscene gift-giving practices.  For every toy that is brought in to our house, two toys must leave.  Really, I should thank Me-Maw.  The more toys she buys, the more toys we can ship off to Goodwill.

Kids expect toys for Christmas and, for me,  that's the best reason to not buy anything.   Where did this sense of entitlement come from?   Kids, I don't owe you anything at Christmas time.  Your mom and I buy you crap all year long, so unless December 25th is your birthday, I'm not buying you anything.  I'm not going to use the threat of "no gifts" to make you behave and I'm certainly not going to tell you lies about Santa.  I'll gladly sing the songs, drink some eggnog, and maybe even go driving around looking at lights.  But, there's no way I'm bringing anymore crap into this house.

The Santa Game

I'm not playing the Santa game.  You know, the one where parents lie to their children about a fat guy in a red suit that delivers presents annually.  I'm not against anyone that wants to play this game with their kids, I just feel that there are better reasons not to play.

First off, I don't want the fictitious fatty getting credit for any of the crap I buy for the kids.  We're not buying much for them anyway (I'll rant about that in another post), but I want my children to know that their Momma and I bought what little junk there is. 

It's a small thing really, but I remember Santa bringing tons of presents to me as a child while Mom and Dad only bought a couple of things.  When you're a kid, love for you is measured by how many presents you get.  Santa (whom I've never seen) loved me more than Mom and Dad.  Those cheapskates!

Another great reason to avoid Santa talk is because I'm the authority in the house, not Jolly Old Saint Nick.  Walk into any store around Christmas time and you'll probably hear a kid being told to behave because Santa is watching.  Grow some balls and tell your kids to behave because YOU are watching.  Who's the authority in your house, you or Santa?

The best reason to not play the Santa game, is because you're lying to your kids...for years.  I hear parents talking about how they're going to have to tell their kids that Santa isn't real.  Luckily, they won't have to tell them, somebody on the playground will break the news to them.  What parents are really complaining about is how they have to face up to lying to their kid for six, seven, or however many years.

Here's a tip.  Don't lie to your kids.  Sure, it may make Christmas more fun if they believe in Santa, but the few years of magical, ignorant bliss that they enjoy may be overshadowed by the following years of psychological damage.  Have fun rebuilding that trust, the Tween years are just ahead.

The kids still enjoy seeing Santa at the mall or watching him on t.v. and I have no problem telling  them about the original Saint Nick or any of the other stories and legends that have grown up around him.  While "Santa" is dead and long gone, I believe the giving spirit that he represents is still alive and well, even if it's hard to see at times.  If my kids are going to believe in any sort of Santa, I want it to be that one.

Or, Zombie Santa.  He's badass.