Don't Paint Your Face With A Screwdriver

This is the rule that started it all.  I'm sure I've yelled out crazy rules to (or perhaps at) my children before, but it takes something like this coming out of your mouth to make you stop and reflect.

About two summers ago we started finishing our basement.  After a month or four of hanging, taping, mudding and sanding the drywall, it was time to paint.  I was about halfway done with the entire basement when I had just finished using up my last can of paint...or so I thought.  I left what I thought was an empty can of paint just laying on the
basement floor and placed the screwdriver I used to pry the lid open inside of it.  I went outside to wash off the paintbrushes before they dried and by the time I came back inside it was too late.

I walked around the corner and there she was; my two year old daughter covered in white paint (plus primer!) from the top of her forehead to the bottom of her chin.  But how could she have painted herself?  I had just washed the brush.  The white-tipped flat-head in her hand gave her away.

"Do Not Paint Your Face With A Screwdriver"

The initial anger subsided quickly as the absurdity of what I had just said to my daughter sank in.  My daughter was, of course, crying from my recent outburst and the fact that I had now pulled a classic bi-polar move and started laughing made her cry even more.  Her tears only made matters worse as the paint started to run like Tammy Faye's mascara  and before I knew it my parental instincts kicked in.  I picked up this tiny cast-reject from Braveheart and chucked her into the tub for a proper cleaning.

Imagine this but wet and runny...and applied with a screwdriver. Photo by craigCloutier

I really wanted to take a picture of her at the time, but my better judgment (which I can usually silence) prevailed and I washer her as quickly as possible; a decision I now regret.  She already has enough going against her with her parents' horrific eyesight, what's a little paint in the eyes going to do that bad genes haven't already? But, at the time, I figured the sooner I removed the paint from her eyes the better.

The great thing about giving your kids rules to follow or teaching them a lesson is that the parent often learns something as well.  So, while my daughter learned not to use a screwdriver to paint her face, I learned two very important rules.  1.  Never leave a screwdriver inside an "empty" paint can just laying around, and 2.  Screw eye safety, reach for the camera, because twenty years from now your kids will get a kick out of the pictures; assuming they can still see.