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| photo from planetugly.com |
Dads have it easy though. We can hold the baby an arm's length away from us or pass it off onto an adoring grandparent. If you're the one that actually passed this kidney stone, they plop it down on your chest, two inches from your nose, goo and all, so you can smell what you've been stewing for the past 40 weeks.
After a couple hundred baths and a month or two, most babies grow out of their ugliness. Then there's that one or two percent that fail to clean up nicely. No matter how hideous looking the baby is, the parents refuse to acknowledge their offspring's lack of looks. These parents will shove photos of their kid in your face and wait for you to tell them how beautiful he/she is. I understand their pain. If I worked really hard at something for nine months and then failed miserably, I wouldn't want to own up to it either. It's called denial, a self-defense mechanism, and you're going to be using it for a long time parents.
I don't want you to think that I'm some sort of conceited snob that thinks he can't produce ugly babies. I've churned out my share of cave-babies. Three shares to be exact and any one of them could have been the poster child for Planned Parenthood. So here are baby pictures of my seed. WARNING: Some things you can't unsee.
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| Our five pound and no ounce son managed to have a double chin. Not pretty |
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| Putting a pretty bow on doesn't make your baby cuter |
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| Bald head, eye swollen shut, nasty rash, purple skin. That's textbook ugly. |
I'm happy to say that our children did eventually grow out of their hideousness and turned into some decent looking kids.
Then again, I may be a little biased, it's another great self-defense mechanism.
OMG. you are really funny. That is very true though. A lot of babies were soaked in fluid for days listening to mum's blue concerto without a choice to talk back to her.
ReplyDeleteThis is a classic Lou! I love your perspective on things. Only a loving dad could say it so perfectly.
ReplyDeleteThanks Rhonda.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading and commenting James. I wanted the babies to listen "In Utero" while they were in utero, but mum wasn't having it.
ReplyDeleteIn medical school, I delivered a few babies, and as an anesthesiologist, I've placed lots of labor epidurals for moms-to-be, some of which remind me of Linda Blair in The Exorcist (but that's another story). I'm with you, newborns, by and large, are NOT pretty, and most of 'em are pretty ugly! I think I've seen less than a handful of really cute ones over the years.
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